Meta Bedtime Story

The bed time story I told my kids tonight:

“Once upon a time there were two little boys who were going to bed. Their dad said, please turn off your iPad, Malcolm. And Malcolm said, I don’t want a story! And dad said just turn it off until the story’s over. And Malcolm said it better be short! And then dad said ‘the more Malcolm argued with dad, the longer the story was and the longer he had to sit there with his iPad off.’ And finally Malcolm turned off his iPad and dad was able to finish his story. All of this made Ian so tired and he was having a hard time keeping his eyes open. And then Malcolm prolonged the story by asking if he could turn on his iPad, to which dad said, ‘no! not until the story’s over!’ Every time Malcolm asked if he could turn on his iPad, the story got longer and longer! It was like magic. And then, Ian was so tired that he just couldn’t stay awake any longer and the time when Malcolm got to turn his iPad back on got nearer and nearer. And then, guess what! Malcolm asked if he could turn on his iPad again and the story got even longer!”

Mal: No I didn’t!

Story: “Oh, wait, no he didn’t. So then the story ended and everybody got to go to bed. Except Malcolm who turned his iPad back on and continued to stay up. The end.”

The Cat is Boring

The argument that kept my boys awake half an hour past bed time:

Malcolm: “Dad, the cat won’t sit in bed with me. Now it’s boring.”

Ian: “The cat is boring?”

Mal: “No, it’s boring. The cat’s not boring.”

Ian: “Well, the cat’s boring to me because she was in your bed.”

Mal: “That doesn’t make her boring!”

Ian: “She’s boring to me.”

Mal: “You’re boring!”

Ian: “No! The cat’s boring.”

Mal: “You’re boring!”

Ian: “No! You’re boring!”

Mal: “No, you!”

Dad: “Would you both stop talking and go to sleep please? It doesn’t matter who’s boring because it’s bed time and boring is a part of going to sleep!”

One of them: “I’m not tired.”

The other: “Me either.”